You might be a teacher if.....

24. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.

23. You find humor in other people's stupidity.

22. You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."

21. You believe chocolate is a food group.

20. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

19. You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.

18. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.

17. When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

16. You have no life between August to June.

15. Marking all A's on report cards would make your life SO much simpler.

14. When you mention "Vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.

13. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

12. You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.

11. You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."

10. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak.

9. You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling.

8. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.

7. You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never DREAM" of doing your job.

6. You can't have children because there's no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.

5. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

4. You know you are in for a major project when a parent says "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."

3. You smile weakly, and want to choke a person when he or she says "Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you."

2. Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.

1. Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"

WHAT TEACHERS MAKE

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?" He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers:

"Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."

To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Mary. Be honest. What do you make?" Mary, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began...) "Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental. You want to know what I make?" (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.)

I make kids wonder.
I make them question.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.
I teach them to write and then I make them write. Keyboarding isn't everything.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them show all their work in math. They use their God-given brain, not the man-made calculator.
I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know in English, while preserving their unique cultural identity.
I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.
I make my students stand, placing their hand over their heart to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, One Nation Under God, because we live in the United States of America.
Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.

(Mary paused one last time and then continued.)

"Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant... You want to know what I make?

I MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

What do you make Mr. CEO?" His jaw dropped, he went silent.


SICK OF THOSE HIGH PAID TEACHERS?


I, for one, am sick and tired of those high paid teachers. Their hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work nine or ten months a year! It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do. . . baby-sit! We can get that for less than minimum wage. That's right. . . I would give them $3.00 dollars an hour and only the hours they worked, not any of that silly planning time. That would be $19.50 a day(7:45 AM to 4:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch). Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers tobaby-sit their children. Now, how many do they teach in a day. . . maybe 30? So that's 19.5 X 30 = $585 .00 a day. But remember they only work 180 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for any vacations. Let's see. . . that's 585 x 180 = $105,300.00 (Hold on! My calculator must need batteries!) What about those special teachers or the ones with master's degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage just to be fair. Round it off to $7.00 an hour. That would be $7 times 6-1/2 hours times 30 children times 180 days = $245,700.00 per year. Wait a minute, there is something wrong here! There sure is, duh!